A Doctor in No Mans Land - Part 1 of the Awakening Series
by irascendedlolkitten
Summary: Outright war has broken out between the Federation and the Klingon empire. Meanwhile, Leonard has been haunted by strange dreams, isolated from his friends, alone and lost amongst a raging battle on an alien planet. All the while the foundations of their reality are cracking. When things are most dire, something impossibly mysterious will present our doctor with a proposition.
1. Chapter 1 Rain

On some accursed plane of existence something terrifying, timeless and most of all malevolently hungry stirred. A ripple and then, like a predator sensing blood in the water it awakens. In response to its attention the universe shivered. It was pleased.

The first thing to filter through was the pain. First the agony was a beast of creeping tendrils filtering through the dark fog of his existence. Then it was a pulsing thrum pulling him to awareness when all he wanted was to slip back into blissful oblivion. Next was the cold wetness around him weighing him down. He felt Heavy drops striking his face, continually soaking all him that is not already immersed. He's shivers and a detached part of him muses at the degree of hypothermia he must be suffering from. He hears the rumbling of the storm above and its fury in the bite of the wind. He can practically feel the heat draining from his body felt most acutely in all the areas in which the skin is bare to the wind.

He then remembers himself, his name Leonard McCoy or Bones to some and it is like welcoming an old friend. So far Bone's only comfort in the present, is that at least he remembers who he is. The revelation of his identity is a shining beacon. Lighting the darkness where before there had only been confusing fog of disorientation. Bones however, then realizes that he has no idea what time it is. In this hellish alien landscape it is hard to wager. Most alarming of all he suddenly notices that the light around him may be getting dimmer. Additionally comments the logical doctor in him,considering his present state it is highly probable that his perception is extremely flawed.

His limbs, scratch that, his whole body, feels like lead. After taking in his surrounding he notices that he seems to be in a ditch or pit with his back propped up against the side. With some difficultly he can see the dirt walls and rubble extends well above his head; twisted metal unsettling in its resemblance to branches or clawing spikes. Bones closes his eyes when the pounding in his head makes the world spin and tilt sickeningly. Most distressing of all the combined facts that he can feel the water slowly rising and the fact that he can barely move an inch. In alarm and confusion he tries to recall what brought him to such dire straights. The memories come back to him in a rush…


	2. Chapter 2 Ominous Premonitions

**The Previous Morning:**

Leonard sat with his head in his hands and his elbows on his knees, despair evident in his posture. Groggy and still waking up from the brief nap that damn hobgoblin had badgered him into taking. He knows it's only a momentary reprieve from the Vulcan, who has been strangely obsessed with his health lately. He'd promised Spock that he would sleep 5 hours, but he only slept two. Even Jim had been scolding him about it a lot lately. The past few missions had been problematic at best and disastrous at worst. _They don't think I can hack it_ Bones thought.

With the growing militarism in Starfleet Bones has been like a fish out of water. His cynicism and ideals often clashing with the new kinds of missions Starfleet had been demanding of them. There was little love for idealism and morals when war was afoot. He often felt like some kind of unwanted Jiminy cricket arguing and objecting about orders that came from on high. Orders that none of them really had a choice in following. He could sense that the others were burdened by the change in their objectives and the escalating conflicts as well, but they were better at keeping their opinions to themselves. Leonard on the other hand couldn't stop being a stubborn fool and just keep his mouth shut like a proper fleet officer. Even when he did protest and resist it didn't seem to matter as he soon found that his own hands tied as well. Spock probably considered his behavior illogical and lately Leonard himself has been considering the Vulcan might have a point besides his two ears of course.

Granted whether it was logical or illogical, Leonard McCoy was who he was and no one else. He was raised to be a pain in the ass that stuck to his ideals where it mattered. Questioning authority was practically a family tradition. He didn't think he could change even if he wanted to. In the past Leonard had rarely thought of changing this aspect of himself. In fact if he was honest, he might say he took pride in it. Even at his most self hating times he hadn't doubted himself in that regard. Lately, though he'd been given sound to do some self examination and introspection. There were only so many times one could run into a brick wall before being prompted to engage in some second guessing.

Additionally he couldn't even completely fault Starfleet, the Klingons have been acting more aggressive. Their had even been worrying signs from the Romulans as well. It's not like he wanted to be skewered by a bat'leth or end up being forced to speak Romulan. It's just that he didn't believe in sacrificing the very values that one was fighting for in the process.

After the attacks by Nero and Khan Starfleet's personal and ships had been decimated. The Klingons have been emboldened by star fleets perceived weakness and had been launching more excursions into the federation's territory. They had been raiding Starfleet's outposts and Federation colonies on the border relentlessly. He and Spock had been sent by Starfleet to help lead the bolstering of the Janus outpost's defenses since Klingons had been very active in the sector as of late. McCoy's task was to build their medical response. Which included training the new recruits in first aid skills to use on the battlefield and the medics in how their skills worked in battle.

The fact is that Leonard was at the end of his rope. He' s had it with Starfleet and Klingons burning through lives like so much kindling. The higher ups back at fleet headquarters were too immersed in their maps, diagrams, theoretical tactics and war games. They were out of touch with what the reality was like for the officers that were in the thick of it. The Admiral's toys and protractors had little bearing on what the men and women who carried out their orders faced. Their pads of data revealed nothing about the fact that they are worn to the bone, past the point of exhaustion. If they did know than it was evident to Leonard that it was not considered a priority. When came with dealing with commands from on high as of late there had been too many damn catch 22s. They were constantly short supplied, undermined, over stretched beyond limits, expected to do the impossible, time and time again.

Starfleet had sent reinforcements recently, but it was clear to Leonard that the cadet's training had been hasty and poor. These supposed reinforcements had less than the necessary training having been rushed into service because Starfleet was desperately trying to replace the men they had lost. These so called reinforcements had next to no experience. Command expected a few experienced officers to prepare these green cadets for 'that which one could never truly be prepared for'. When Bones looked at these young naive officers all he could see was the reality that to the ones ultimately in control of Starfleet they were little more than fodder. That and in them, Leonard found himself haunted by the ghostly echo his graduating class scattered with the dust of Vulcan.

What had been troubling Bones the most was the changes in his best friends, Jim and Spock. While those who did not really know them could mistake their banter for serious arguments and their pet names for insults. In fact they may take them to be sworn enemies. However those who were familiar with their antics knew the truth. That being that real conflict between them had long ago transformed into an unconventional friendship. As of late their debates about missions had become reverted to being truly contentious again. However the most unsettling thing was the silences paired with downward glances when Leonard would have anticipated the Vulcan should have his back. Though the man would deny it till the cows came home the man was unsettled by something. Granted being upset and unsettled was damn reasonable as of late. The continuous long lists of casualties and times that they had not arrived in time. The times that no matter how hard they tried they arrived to find only the shattered tombs that once had been ships or settlements that had been reduced to smoke, rubble and dead bodies. The weight of those lost weighed heavily on them all but most especially on Jim.

There was also the fact that Bones swore he'd caught worried looks in his direction and shared glances between his two friends. Whatever that was they weren't telling anytime soon and Leonard was taught not to pry. That and he'd seem even more paranoid than normal if he confronted them about it. Worst of all he dreaded the looks of pity, sympathy and the awkwardness that may grow even greater between them. Honestly it was the fact that Jim was keeping secrets from him that stung the worst because in the past they had told each other everything. A nasty inner voice that sounded too much like his ex whispered 'b _ut Len, your Jimmy didn't tell you about his promotion did he? He like everyone you given your heart to, was going to leave you. He was going abandon you leave you alone with only the void for company. That's what you get Len dear for giving your heart away so completely'_. He told that notion to get, but though the shade from his past left, the thought remained. Why should it when more and more Leonard felt like a glorified third wheel. It seemed what little free time they were spending together was without him.

As if that wasn't bad enough, there was also his damn peculiar dreams that had returned plague his sleep once again. Leonard had been having these strange dog dreams since he was child every so often. The setting of the dream may differ but generally they followed the same pattern. In his recent dreams he'd found himself alone walking the halls of a silent empty Enterprise. His steps echoed strangely in the deserted corridors. For reasons unknown, Bones felt confused and a bit unsettled but not afraid. There was an ominous feeling, the air seemed to be oddly charged somewhat like it would be in Georgia before a thunderstorm and had the smell of ozone. Going by instinct, he went to the mess hall and got a crappy cup of replicated coffee. Just as he's bringing the cup to his lips he hears a growl like thunder in the distance or the slow grinding of massive millstones. He feels his heart rate climbing, his breath quickening and his terror growing. Even though he knows he shouldn't, ' _don't turn around Leo, if you look at it, it will see you for sure_ ' whispers a voice like his younger self. But Leonard has never been great at listening, even to himself and he can't resist the inexorable pull. He turns around.

What he saw when he turned around stole his breath completely and stilled his heart in a instant. Before him was a massive impossibly large black dog that seems to fill the room with it's presence. The beast's fur was dark like the void, it sucked the light itself from the rest of the room and wispy smoke or cumulonimbus clouds. However it was the eyes that were so striking, their glow so hypnotic that Leonard found himself spell unable to move except for his trembling.

Then it spoke with a voice that resonated like a pipe organ in a cathedral and says his name in full then " **IT BEGINS"**

After receiving this disturbing message, Leonard always woke up abruptly. Like other nights that he had had the nightmare, he had awoken this morning deeply shaken. It always takes a long time to calm himself down and he rarely got any sleep the nights after the nightmare. What worries Leonard is that the monster's message had changed again. Before, during the times he had it at the academy it was "soon." Leonard has started to suspect that he might be one card short of a full deck. Bones carded his hands through his hair roughly, venting some of his frustration on his locks. He yawned and closes his eyes. For a moment he let himself feel his own aching muscles. His body trying to make sleep more tempting, but he knows his restless mind will make it impossible. He ruthlessly pushes it aside and wearily gets to his feet.

Still in an exhausted fog, Leonard goes through the motions. He straightens his sleep ruffled uniform and tries in vain to tame his hair. Leonard uses a cracked sliver of a mirror to roughly shave the scruff from his face. Bones then pulls the tent flap aside and blinks in the evening haze of the cold, wet, misty planet with it's damn green skies. He trudged towards the makeshift hospital with it's impromptu medical facilities that he had helped set up. Once inside, despite being half asleep, he quickly replicated the strongest coffee cup of simulated coffee possible and grabbed a blister pack of the damn stimulants that were the only things keeping most of the officers going. They didn't all have super endurance like the walking computer had. Mind still in still in a haze he went to do a basic inventory. At times like this he really missed his nurses helping hands, their teasing though, that he did not miss. Well, he didn't miss it much.

 **Illustration:**

(For illustrations see this fic on AO3)

As Leonard enters the supply room his exhaustion and his surprise temporarily left him stupefied. There is a strange man in his store room that has no justifiable reason to be there. This could mean nothing but trouble and McCoy's suspicions caused him to be jolted to full alert in seconds. Leonard feels his fury ignite, this may be a crap makeshift medical facility that is poorly supplied but dammit it was his crap medical facility. He had never liked others messing with what he had claimed as his own without permission. Leonard was fixin to jerk a knot in this numbskulls tail and teach him a lesson so hard the asshole would be seeing tomorrow today. He is positive whoever the intruder is he cannot be up to any good. Definitely not with a flashlight in hand while he rummages through the containers in which the powerful medications were stored. Certainly not with bulging pockets full of powerful narcotics and sedatives either.

As if belatedly sensing that he was not longer alone the jackass spun around and to McCoy's irritation, the fool had had the gall to actually point a phaser at him. Bones is disappointed but not overly surprised to find that the intruder was one of the new recruits. Standards had to be relaxed in order to recruit a huge amount of new cadets as fast as possible to fill the gaping vacancies and then even increase the fleet's numbers in preparation for a Klingon attack. Ensign Andrews was tall but wiry and even twitchier than usual. Leonard had thought his demeanor was likely just nerves but the possibility of it being something more serious had entered his mind. All things considered at the time he had had neither the evidence nor the time to pursue his suspicions. Now with a phaser in his in his face Leonard wishes the he had taken action sooner. He is also cursing his terrible luck that has once again reared it's head, no matter what Spock might say of the illogic of such concepts.

"What the hell is wrong with you! You were supposed to be asleep!" Yelled Ensign Andrews.

"Calm down and put the gun on the ground now Andrews" said Bones trying to making his voice as calm as possible.

"Shut Up and give me the cordrazine now!" Screamed Andrews.

"Cordrazine? What could you possibly want with it? It's an extremely dangerous controlled substance!" Replied McCoy using as much as his psych training to try to diffuse the situation even though he was visibly disturbed. Cordrazine is a very powerful pain killer and a substance only safe to use in very small amounts. Overdoses could cause extremely dangerous erratic behavior, serious side effects and even death. In the field he always kept the Cordrazine and the other more dangerous medications in his personal medkit which he always kept on his person.

"They'll have my hide if I don't get it!" yelled the Ensign looking crazed and shaking the gun erratically.

Suddenly their was an extremely loud whistling sound from above. The sound distracted Andrews, causing the man to looked up in search of the sound. Seeing his chance, Leonard took advantage of the situation and drew his own phaser. However Andrews didn't even seem to notice as he took off running out the back. Never one to let sleeping dogs lie, Bones quickly took off after him. Abruptly the world around them was rent asunder as a nearby explosion tore apart the make shift hospital. Bone's world became a haze of heat, noise, and pain; set within a whirlwind of glass, metal and fire. He feels his head and shoulders hit somethings hard and his world went dark.


	3. Chapter 3 A Man of Constant Sorrow

**AN:** Due to the fact that this site does not enable the posting of links or illustrations besides cover illustrations; if you enjoy it and want to enjoy the full experience with the hand drawn illustrations and music playlist then I rec checking it out on AO3. Any advice for better enabling these features here is much appreciated.

When he comes to dazed consciousness a while later, Bones finds himself surrounded by chaos. With thoughts that seem to be moving like molasses he gradually becomes aware that he is sprawled on dirt ground and with no protection from the elements. Hadn't he been in that shack of a medical center a second ago? A detached part of Leonard's mind wonders how he had ended up outside on the ground. What's with all the people yelling and rushing about?

There's a piercing ringing in his ears, the pain of which is only overshadowed by the pain in his head and shoulders. Adding to his misery is the feeling that the world is spinning around him wildly, making him feel unstable and sick. Leonard's thoughts seem to flutter away when he tries to grasp them allusive as butterflies, fluttering away from his grasp every time he tries to grasp them, they've become flighty as dragon flies and as slippery as eels . Beneath agonizing ringing in Bones's ears there is the cacophony of phaser fire and the explosions of ammunition shells shaking the ground he lays on. One of the shells struck the ground near enough to Bones that he felt of torrent of dirt and rocks rain down on him.

As Leonard's mind begins to clear, he hears the cries of people in need and his whole being is filled with the instinct to help them. With considerable determination Bones pushes himself up despite the vertigo, the pulsing pain in his head and shaking arms. Coming to a kneeling position he reaches into his med kit by memory withdrawing a hypo and quickly ejects himself with it. It's a risky move and if it was one of his patients he would never have done this, but in order to be use to anyone he needed his mind to be clear. The drug worked as expected, quickly clearing his mind and suppressing his symptoms enough for him to get to his feet and make sense of his surroundings. Behind him, Bones saw the smoking pit that was all that was left of the damn makeshift medical center he'd worked so hard to build and he cursed emphatically.

Then about 20 clicks away he sees a red shirted officer who has fallen and has been wounded by disruptor blast. Bones finds himself once again thankful for his paranoia and his pack rat tendencies that fuel his need to have his personal med kit with him at all times. He is also thankful that the pack wasn't separated from him during the explosion. Without a further thought or concern for his own safety Leonard ran to the man's aid. He barely dodges a blast from another ammunition shell's impact, running through the smoke and dirt. He collapses at the man's side. Leonard immediately begins assessing the officer's injuries and to relief he finds that the man is still clinging to life tenaciously despite his grievous injuries. Bones then starts to quickly treat what he was able to of the injured officer's injuries. Once again he is attempting to steal another life from death's grasp.

 **Link to illustration** \- /nbv1emn

Leonard's concentration is soon interrupted by the war cry of an attacking Klingon. Automatically the Doctor turns, gets to his feet and positions himself between his patient and the fastly approaching foe. With selfless courage Bones instinctively tries to tries to bodily shield his patient from harm. Unfortunately for Leonard he did not seem to also have enough time to draw his phaser, before the klingon is upon him. Mercilessly the armored Klingon soldier charges and attacks Bones without pause. With an effortless swing the Klingon slashes Leonard diagonally across his midriff with the unnaturally sharp blade of his bat'leth. Fortunately Bones the wound shallow enough to be debilitating but not fatale. Morbidly the doctor thinks that like a cat with a mouse, his attacker wants to play with his prey before killing it. That and the fact that he was able to shield his most vital regions from the worst damage. Nonetheless, the force of the blow knocks Bones back a good distance; while the shock and pain makes his knees buckle. However with determination and gritted teeth Leonard steels himself and pushes back the pain.

Undeterred by his injuries Bones tries his best to draw his phaser; however the concussion and blood loss make his movements too slow. With a feral grin the klingon back hands Leonard with his sharp armor plated glove, the blow to his head aggravated his concussion and the pain has temporarily blinded him from the pain. This would have knocked him to the ground if the Klingon's other hand hadn't fastened around McCoy's neck and lifted him into the air.

Bone's body betrays him as he hangs limp, stunned and helpless in the warrior's grasp. He is distantly aware of movement as the massive klingon walks, to what aim Leonard can not fathom. All the while his captor is seemingly oblivious of his prey, as it completely ignores the doctor struggling weakly in the soldier's grasp. The only response that Bone's seems to be able to elicit from his foe is the fearsome tightening inexorable grip of the Klingon's hand around his throat. Once the lack of oxygen has again, reduced the human to a less bothersome state of gasping submission that is more becoming of their weak kind; the warrior loosens his grasp allowing the doctor to get vital lungfuls of air once again. Every constricting grasp wrings the strength out the doctor, strength that he can not afford to lose. Bones eventually realizes that if he is going to survive than he must bide cease his struggling for a time. Perhaps by biding his time he will be able the Klingon will underestimate and he will be able to escape when an opportunity presents itself. If one is possible Leonard muses with a characteristic degree of fatalism.

After walking a short distance the warrior comes to a halt. That is until the doctor sees out corner of his eye the gaping maw of the pit that used to be the medbay to be. While gasping desperately for air dark thoughts swirl within Bones and he finds himself wondering if the bastard intendeds this chasm to be his grave. At the realization a morbid, unhinged part of Leonard finds this whole thing inexplicably, irresistibly and terribly hilarious. What a fitting end to this whole retched immoral affair, this blood soaked cluster fuck and to his failed existance. A detached part of Bones recalls again the familiar feeling of breaking to the point of shattering and greets the deep numbness that follows like an old friend. Distantly he notes the sound of thunder and wonders if it is really storming or if it is the oxygen deprivation.

The Klingon loosens his steel grip periodically, just enough for Bones to gasp a few vital breaths. Then the warrior cruelly tightens his steel clad fingers again with punishing force and once more cuts off Leonard's air supply. From what Bones could recollect most Klingons prefer to dispatch their foes quickly, but this one seems to like to play with his enemy like a cat with a mouse. It sickens Leonard that this being could derive such pleasure from the death and pain in others. It just goes to show how poor Bone's luck truly is that of all the Klingon's he could have run into he had to run into a sadistic one.

Since McCoy is just barely allowed to inhale and is not been allowed to exhale, carbon dioxide begins to build in his system. Just as dark spots begin to appear and the world is starting to fade to black; Bones hears the sound of a phaser. Instantly the vice like grip around his throat loosens and Leonard falls. He comes to his senses a moment later and is horrified to find himself now laying on top of the now very dead klingon. Weakly he tries to catch his breath and extricate himself from his position on top of the warrior's body. He feels raindrops and absently notes that apparently, the storm was not just an auditory hallucination. Upon recalling the precarious character of his present Bone's looks around and is shocked to see Ensign Andrews standing a short distance away with a phaser aimed right at Leonard's heart.

"Anderson?" Bones manages to wheeze out of his much abused and sore throat, his voice tinged with uncertainty. Anderson says nothing as he walks closer to Leonard phaser still pointing at the doctor. Leonard tries to move away from Anderson and get to his feet, but all he manages is to get to his knees. Bones is momentarily stunned to stillness due to how the world seems to be careening around him, the agonizing pain, the shivering cold and exhaustion, consumes him utterly. The full force of his woe is incapacitating as it saps Leonard's energy and steals his breath. Despite himself Bone's finds his vision is growing dark around the edges; the world fading in and out of focus. It likely due to his current poor state that Leonard is not again aware of Anderson again until the man was nearly upon him. Why he could do little to fend off the rough groping hands that are on his person seconds later. A faint sound sound of pain comes unbidden out leonard as the rough treatment aggravates his injuries. Bones protests,"Anderson…what the hell? St…stop!"

Abruptly the man has Bone's med kit in his grasp and pulls on it aggressively, not caring that the strap was still around Leonard's torso. Force of the man pulling aggressively on the cord almost causes Bones to fall flat on his face in the now muddy ground, if he hadn't been able to catch himself on shaking arms. Anderson snarled bent over again, then with his other hand hastily and ruthlessly started to untangle the strap from the doctor. Leonard at the last minute managed snatch the strap just as the man had extricated it from his person. Then with the tenacity of his will and the power of his determination; Bones found the strength to stand.

Anderson growled in frustration and yanked the cord fiercely trying, to tear it from the Doctor's grasp. The force of the pull which disrupted Bone's off balance but he clung on to the med kit's cord relentlessly. Then the Ensign finally looked him in the eye and Leonard was shaken by what he saw in the man's cold gaze. Anderson appeared out of his mind, desperate with fear and fury. However it was the cruel absence of empathy, that gave Leonard a cold feeling of dread inside that had nothing to do with the rain drenching him.

"Let go McCoy" said Anderson with an icy edge suddenly pulling the strap with an renewed vigor.

In response Leonard tightened his grip and clung on stubbornly. "Never" said Bones through teeth gritted against the pain, "It's mine, I need it, and you cannot have it."

Anderson's lip curls as he sneers at Bones with disdain. The bastard smirks as he jerks the medkit away from Bones with merciless speed, thus pulling Leonard off balance again. Then when he has the doctor where he wants him, he launches a vicious kick to Bone's midriff. The pain of the blow causes leonard to seize and loose his grip on the medkits cord. At the same time the force of the kick propels Leonard over the edge of the smoking pit of rubble. Then Bones is falling, the pain of the landing is blinding.

Eventually the agony fades enough, that Bones is able to come to his senses. He finds himself flat on his back soaked and muddy at the bottom of the blast crater staring up as the overcast sky. Around him he can hear even more profoundly, the sound of thunder, phasers, explosions and the firing of ammunition. Well damn Leonard thought, to say he was having a bad day would be massive understatement. With considerable effort he manages to sit up and studies the walls of the pit with a calculating gaze. Bone's realizes that the loose mixture of rubble, earth and mud would be very difficult for a healthy person to surmount. Direly Leonard concludes that for an injured person the feat may be impossible. For a moment the fear brought on by precipitous chance of disaster, is paralyzing as it saps his initiative in a quagmire of self-doubt and despairing demotivation. Then suddenly Leonard's fiery spirit rallies and doctor shoves his negativity aside. Bone's decides that it doesn't matter how impossible the task might be. People were in need of his help and refused to accept dieing in a place like this. That and his boots are filling with icy water. Leonard hates having waterlogged boots and soaked socks. He hates being wet and cold with a passion. Their was going to be no respite from the cold and wet in this miring pit. The only way he was going to get his hands on dry boots and a cuppa hot coffee to hold; was to go up and over. So up and over he will go.

Leonard steps through the mud and water to the area that seems the least steep. He begins his attempt to climb out of the trap he has found himself in. Bones tries his best to find purchase for his hands and boots in the tangled slippery muck. With considerable effort he puts aside the pain, the nausea and accompanying vertigo. Nonetheless the cacophony of his misery is becoming increasingly hard to ignore. Even worse is the icy rain that drains the warmth from his bones; the uncomfortable damp weight soaking his uniform making movement all the more of a struggle. None of these things succeed at hindering the doctor as shoulders the burden with seeming graceful ease. Leonard as at times considered himself a man of constant sorrow and is in his element when he is struggling against woe. Its familiarity is oddly comforting to him. Bone's tries his best find inner peace by force himself to believe like with other dark times in his life; that this too would pass.

The doctor has some success in his ascent from his use of bits of rubble as foot holds. Frequently he finds himself at an impasse, having run out things to things to hold onto. This is nothing compared to the times when the rubble shifts and Leonard tumbles or slides back to bottom of the damn pit. Often his unwilling descent is accompanied by a rain of earth and rubble for all his effort. Every time he falls getting to his feet and making another attempt became harder and harder. He has lost count of how many desperate attempts he had made.

Later Leonard will remember that on his final attempt, he had finally managed to come very close to the top and the freedom. Only for his doom to come in the form of a piece of wreckage he had been relying for support abruptly crumbling underneath him. Which of course sent Bones careening all the way down again. Shit, Somebody has it in for me for sure Leonard thought in that instant that his purchase gave way. He fell hard on the wreckage at the bottom. Due to this was not only unable to get up but soon found the ability to hold on to consciousness thought as slipping from his grasp entirely.


	4. Chapter 4 Sanctuary

Back in the present, the water was getting alarmingly high. He would probably be panicking more if he wasn't so lethargic due to the blood loss and the freezing cold water that saps the feeling from his limbs. He has become so incapacitated, that the only task left for him is to focus on trying to stay awake. The doctor within him knew he had to stay awake. Giving into the blissful nothingness of oblivion could mean embarking on a slumber he may never wake from.

However, being conscious also guaranteed that there was nothing to spare him from experiencing the true depths of misery that his current condition entailed. Bone's now finds that his natural tendency to lean towards the negative turning against him. A fact that if he had the wherewithal at present, Leonard would likely find darkly ironic. For this very same characteristic habit of his was one he had often taken a strange sort of pride of and often considered a blessing because it ensured he was seldom disappointed. Now his own negativity bolstered by reality, has morphed into a psychological monster of his own creation. His ever eternal, internal cynic crushing any foolish hopeful notion that tries to take residence in his mind with a rabid avid predatory glee. Thus, everyone of his desperate attempts to climb or even arrest his rapid descent into the dark depths of despair crumbles beneath his grasp; ensuring that he is left with nothing to fend off the coiling writhing tendrils of dark thoughts that desire to ensnare and suffocate him as they inexorably pull him into their ebony fathomless chasms.

His fear of death and despair of what he may lose weigh heavily on Leonard's mind. Thoughts on the growing likelihood that he might never get to see his friends again; that he may never get to mend things with that idiot kid and the Hobgoblin. The deep sadness that he may never get to see Jim's annoyingly beautiful smile or hear that walking computer say 'fascinating' with that vexing, velvet voice of his. From the immense tragedies, the fact that he may never get to see and hold his little girl again or be their for her as she grows up. To the minor tragedies such as never again getting to experience a lazy summer evening, reading under his favorite peach tree in Georgia. Sardonically he finds he is no longer sure if the drops that have been running down his face are rain or tears anymore. Even though he's never been the religious sort he finds himself contemplating how he'd give anything for a second chance.

His stubborn rebellious heart quickened and ached that those he loved may forget him or worse replace him. Bones tries his best to crush this notion and considers it an selfish desire to entertain. The right thing is to wish them to move on and not to be haunted by his absence. Nonetheless he finds the prospect of not being with them sorrowfully erresting. The notion too painful to purposely contemplate for long. His subconscious mind however seems to have it in for him and visions flash before his mind's eye unbidden. A series of mental images of him being absent from all the places and roles he has come to consider his own. Even worse are the ones his cruel imagination conjures of those spaces and tasks Bones once took ownership being filled by someone else, erasing him utterly until he is nothing but a shadow. What haunts him most is the ship he has come to call his home moving; on leaving his bones forever alone, on this forsaken alien planet. The desolating visage of such a forlorn notion, spurs his aching hopeful heart into action. Like his love is a starving desperate creature it claws scramble for purchase as it clings to life with a renewed ferocious fervor; howling and whining in mournful trepidation at face such

With considerable force of habit Leonard pushes his own needs and desires aside; choosing once again to focus on the needs of others. Ever diminishing his own value, Leonard with naively concludes that those close to him will be able to move on eventually. They'd be saddened by his death for a while, but eventually they'd get caught up in all the new adventures they would be having. He was sure that the crew would move on in no time. Starfleet would find some shiny, new genius doctor fresh out of the academy to replace him. Overtime they'd think less and less about their old grumpy doctor. Who knows they might even be secretly glad that he was gone, as they would no longer be bothered by his bad attitude and eccentricities.

They had lost many a crew and moved on. Leonard would know, as many of the said casualties were the ones he had failed to save. Each loss contributing to the weight of his failure; he remembered them all. Granted, he would never presume to force the burden of his sentimentality on the others. While the loss of any of the others in command would be devastating for the ship and it's crew. In fact Bones couldn't imagine the ship without any of them.

However he was not naive enough to assume the same of himself. Heck, what with the escalating conflict between the Federation and the Klingon Empire, maybe they'd be better off off without him holding them back. His Joanna would be sad but she'd be alright too. As much as Leonard loathed to admit she had a capable stepfather and a loving mother. Plus Bones imagined that it would be hard for someone to miss a father who was hardly ever around. As for the two closest friends…Jim and Spock had been growing closer everyday. Over time Leonard had come to feel more like a third wheel than a vital part of their dynamic. What had been smooth seeming effortless symbiotic cooperation had become stressed and strained. Things had become so dysfunctional that Bone's had come to question whether the relationship they had before was just his own foolish delusion.

Perhaps this underestimation of his value is prompted by his habit of taking the lion's share of blame for the blameless on himself or maybe his need to do no harm to others. Regardless of how erroneous the perception, it seems that Bones needs to assume that those dear to him will be fine without him. Leonard decides that those closest to him will have each other; that they will not be as lost without him, as he has been without them. Bones hoped that maybe once in awhile they'd remember him and raise a glass to his memory. The thought brought a sad smile to the doctor's lips.

A strong wind breaks McCoy from his introspective quagmire. Strange, muses Leonard as he notices the floating snowflakes around him, at some point the icy rain had changed into flurries of steadily falling snowflakes. Then he observed that he had already accumulated a fair amount of snow, on and around him while he had been lost in his thoughts. Bones wondered how long his attention must have wandered. If Jim was here he'd give him 'Bones is brooding too much again' look. Spock would be obnoxiously helpful of course, and would tell Leonard exactly how long he had been out of it by using that Vulcan brain of his. Leonard chuckled sadly at the recollection, until the laugh gave way to weak coughing. He witnesses his breath turning into mist and how the rainwater seems to be turning into ice astonishingly quickly.

The weather on this planet is really crazy. This had been a lush jungle when they first arrived and now it suddenly was turning into a arctic desert. Starfleet must have done a pretty poor job surveying the place for it's suitability for an outpost. Or the fleet just didn't care about what would be the reality for the unfortunate souls who would be stuck trying to survive on this rock. Bone's cynical side would put it's bet on it being the later. Damn it, if he had the energy he'd be having a hissy fit about Starfleet's questionable policies but currently he was just too tired to rage at Starfleet.

The rain seems to have stopped but in it's wake the light flurries seem to have taken up the quest to make Leonard miserable. The snow has swiftly turned into a growing blinding blizzard Strange, despite the cessation of the rain, the thunder and lighting has continued unabated. The lightning illuminates the snow every once in awhile with a bright flash of violet that was eerily beautiful star sky filtered through the obscuring mist caused by the relentlessly falling snow. Thunder snow? Spock is probably fascinated right now.

Normally Bone's mind would be too occupied with enumerating all the data associated with the potential risk factors and health hazards of this alien phenomena. Currently however, Leonard finds himself achieving a sort of inner peace, through which he finds himself able to appreciate the inner beauty of this vista surrounding him. Honestly he's starting feel sort of comfortably numb. The ache from his injuries, combined with the collective misery that was the all encompassing cold and creeping damp; now this once unbearable pain was receding in waves like the tide. In the the agony's wake Bones felt himself being flooded incrementally by a numbing warmth. The snow and ice didn't even feel cold any longer really. The soft snow around and now on top of him feels more like a warm blanket. The once biting cold air is more like a warm Georgia summer afternoon. Lord almighty, he is so tired. Keeping his eyes open is becoming increasingly harder. Every time he blinks, the desire to keep those heavy lids down is becoming more and more tempting. The doctor in him is setting off alarms, is frantically reciting medical text and research data. However the voice was getting softer by the minute and the rest of him couldn't find the energy to care. Perhaps his grandma was right after all, and maybe those weird nightmares had been a dire omen.

Moments later, Leonard thinks that he must be hallucinating because he swears he feels the warm weight of someone on top of him immobilizing him. Suddenly Bones he feels warm hands caressing his person. The ghostly caress succeeds with fiendish rapidity at soothing the tension from his muscles, despite his sluggish confusion and concern. The phantom appendages stroke his hair, press him gently down when he stirs and tries to struggle to right himself. He feels a gentle fingers closing his eyes, softly shutting the lids and holding them closed every time he manages to wrestle the strength to open them. Not only that, but he must be out of his mind because he can hear an unearthly voice singing and whispering in his ear. He shivers as he feels ice cold lips and breath on his skin. The whispers urge him to sleep, to let go of his burdens and surrender himself to there embrace. It sings haunting beautifully sad melodies, like a lullaby that Bones can't help but be entranced by. So tired, Leonard's mind pleads, just need to rest for a bit as he finds himself unbiddenly lulled . _**Sleep**_ , croons the voice; _**the snow is warm**_ **.** 'But I can't' protests Leonard, 'though I can't recollect why'. His internal voice sounding young and unsure even to himself. _**Let go**_ , urges the voice, _**sleep**_.

Bones begins to succumb to phantom's will and his own weary bones pull to slumber was overtaking him. Suddenly there is a sonorous bark like thunder that reverberates like the ringing of church bells in wee hours of the morn, the spell shatters and Leonard is startled back to awareness. Then a growling like immense millstones grinding against each other or rusty iron hinges being played with by the billowing wind. Almost instantly the weight and presence that was holding the doctor down vanishes. Leonard finds that he can once again move a bit and opens his eyes with trepidation. When Bones turns to look in the direction of the sound, the sight that greets him makes him reconsider having opened them in the first place. A huge, black dog like creature the size of a horse was peering down with interest at him from the top of the other side of the chasm that fastly seems to be becoming his grave . Instinctively Leonard closes his eyes, becomes still and limp, as he tries his best to play possum. McCoy hears what could have been a snort, the shifting of rubble as something massive climbs down and then the sound massive paws in the snow. Bones feels hot breath on his on his face. Then he hears a voice echoing not in his ears but in his very mind itself, _**I know you're awake Leonard**_ **.**

With a gasp the doctor opened his eyes abruptly his ruse now pointless. To his dawning horror he finds that the massive beast, thing or whatever, is now right next to him gazing down at him patiently. Or at least Bones thinks it's staring at him, it's hard to tell since it's eyes are just two brilliant lights in the darkness. "Get the hell away from me!" yells Leonard automatically his voice higher than normal due to the fear. As if to prove a point, the thing yawns revealing far too many long sharp teeth. Due to what he just witnessed Bones is paralyzed with terror but he glares up at the beast in defiance regardless. In a matter of moments the creatures the things muzzle is a scant few inches from his face. Leonard freezes, closes his eyes, resigns himself to his fate and waits helplessly. But in instead of the monster tearing him apart as he thought the thing would, it gently licks his face with it's massive tongue. It…it's wet and it tickles. As if it's typical earth canine the beast licks his face methodically as if it is attempting to clean the muck off his face. Finally McCoy can't take it anymore and he yells,"Cut it out, I say cut it out!" The effort leaves him breathless.

When he next looks at the beast it is regarding him solemnly, with what could be sympathy in its gaze " **Mate, you're buggered all to hell** ." said the monstrous dog, thing. When the creature speaks it's voice has a deep musical quality kind of like pipe organs that speak with an English accent. Seeing such a grim beast was bad enough, but now it's conversing with him? 'I've lost my marbles for sure now' Leonard thinks. Granted hallucination or not, it would be rude to ignore it. "I appreciate you pointing out the obvious for me but what in tarnation are you?" Bones rasps "And more important what do you want?" 

The creature tilts its head in an odd facsimile of canine behavior " **right now you need to save your strength.** " After it speaks the creature proceeds to encourage the doctor to turn over with its massive paws and muzzle. The movement both aggravates Leonard's injuries and does little to quell his fear. Even with the monstrous hound's clear attempts to be as gentle as possible, it finds its human charge shaken and in pain. With deliberate slowness and seemingly telegraphed motions the enormous canine's as it comes to rest in a bow position by McCoy's side. Under normal conditions Bones would want to recoil away from the creature who is far too close to the Doctor for comfort. The beast smells like an odd but not unpleasant combination of lotus blossoms, smokey mir, freshly and freshly tilled earth with a hint of dog. However Leonard finds that its fur is soft and most importantly it radiates warmth like hearth . In his near frozen condition Bones can't reject any relief from the terrible biting cold no matter how ominous and strange the source may be. Despite himself Leonard finds that like a newborn kitten he is instinctively seeking to snuggle up to the warmth nearby and relying on this being for support.

 **"** **Keep a tight grip on my neck Leonard"** growls the grim beast.

"Whah?" Yelps Bones in surprise but he nonetheless holds on for dear life to the beasts scruff as it rises with the Doctor haphazardly on it's back. With seemingly no effort it leaps out of the death trap that McCoy thought was to be his grave. On one hand he is grateful for his liberation but on the other hand most of him is distracted by the pain the movement was causing and aggravation of his injuries. To say the least, Bones lost touch with reality for a while as his world narrowed to desperately clinging on to this strange phantasmal otherworldly beast.

When Leonard returns to consciousness and as far as he can perceive he is alone. Truth be told it's hard for him to know for sure, since he is currently flat on his back spread eagle and unable to move a muscle. He stares up the starry sky and the multiple moons this accursed allein world had managed to collect, wondering what next? As if the universe is answering his query, Bones hears hurried footfalls of someone running full tilt through the snow towards him. Although his perception is fading in and out McCoy could swear that he hears someone yelling "Doctor!" Is someone in need of medical aid? Bones feels a fresh wave of guilt at the thought that this is yet another soul that he has failed. Then he feels hands on his person lifting him from the cold ground, their touch familiar and real not strange like those other hands before. Leonard blinks and finds that he is gazing up into surprisingly warm, compassionate brown eyes.

"Doctor!" Says Spock again and Bones thinks he must be imagining things when he notes the softness and emotion in the man's voice. The way Spock said his name sounded like a plea or a prayer. Bones wonders what could have happened to make the Science officer so upset. As much as he enjoyed hassling the Vulcan, in reality he truly cared deeply about the man. That and Mama always said it was rude not to answer, when spoken to. Nonetheless it seems that the choice is not up to the good doctor. It seems that everything has finally caught up with Leonard. He is rapidly fading, the darkness creep creeping. Distantly he is aware of being gathered into the embrace of arms inhumanly strong and lifted aloft. Following on the heels of this sensation, all awareness flees from the doctor's grasp in it's place was an endless devouring sea of shadows and nothingness.


End file.
